Off to Manila

Three people on a honeymoon

[A note to readers, especially those who were there: I'm writing this in late July, nearly three months after the fact, and without notes. So some details may be a bit misplaced or hazy. But the gist is right, I think; correct me if you know otherwise.]

The day after the Big Day found us heading down to Hong Kong Airport for a brief flight to Manila.

Social butterflies that we are, we had invited friends to come along on our honeymoon. (This was the May 1 holiday, so most of our friends would have the week off.) And one of them, Adam, our "Person of Honor," said "Take me along!" (Who else do you know that has had a "group honeymoon"?)

So off we went. And Adam showed us something cool: If you've flown through HKIA three times in a year, you can register for a kind of "Frequent Flyer" card that gets you express service. So he was through the immigration line well before us. We registered for the cards on our return trip.

Next stop after Immigration: Burger King! As far as we know, this is the only BK in HK--inside the departure area, for ticketed passengers only. We love the Veggie Whopper, so we were thrilled to note on our way back home that there is now a BK outside the ticketed area; we can cruise down for a burger and fries anytime.

Photo by Jesse

A word about Adam: He, like Lila and me, is a vegetarian [as is, come to think of it, Jesse the photographer!] In fact, the way we met was rather cool. Lila had posted a notice online about the yoga classes she organizes, and Adam, a newcomer to Shenzhen, had queried her about them. When she told me, I noted the name: first, because another friend named Adam had just left SZ, and second, because he shares a family name with the closest "branch" on my family tree: the Woods. So, the following weekend, when Lila was here, I got an email from an "Adam Wood" asking about my Sunday-morning Buddhist discussions. "Hey, Honey," I yelled to her in the living room, "Didn't some guy named Adam Wood write to you...?" He found both of us online in the same week! We're still close friends; as I write this in late July 2007, we had just spent our entire Sunday with Adam and a couple of other close friends, first at a buffet, then grocery shopping for prepackaged Indian food (well, Lila went; I skipped that part), then watching a movie at home and eating some of that Indian food.

Anyway, back to the airport: as we three veg-heads sat savoring our burgers, I suddenly realized: we were late! The gate would be closing in minutes. Adam's built for speed, and he sprinted through the airport. (Try that in the Land of Homeland Security and see what happens). Lila was close behind, and me--well, not so close. But we made it.

An uneventful flight to Manila, followed by check-in at our home-in-Manila, Malate Pensionne. Dinner was the usual trip to Mexicali in Robinsons Mall, but with a twist: We love their vegetarian food, and had really built it up to Adam. But when we got there the girl told us they hadn't had their vegetable delivery that day! And we were leaving the next morning, so we'd have to wait until the end of the week for our veggie-burger "fix"!

I think we ate panini that night...?

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Da Nupchals

In which Lila and I get hitched

Photo by Jesse

I and my sweetie, Ms Eloisa Malubag Jose, also known by her secret identity Lila Devi Dasi, tied the knot on Sunday, April 29, at 12:30 p.m.

But that moment was just the kernel of several days of activity.

It all started on the internet…[imagine wavy hands and "doodle-ee-doo, doodle-ee-doo, doodle-ee-doo" for a Wayne's-World-type flashback...]

Back in early 2005, I was searching the net for information on a place called Nanshe Ancient Village in the city of Dongguan. My search brought me to the Virtual Tourist page of one “Zephyrgurl108,” whose profile indicated that she was a vegetarian who sometimes visited Shenzhen with her carnivorous friends.

Swell guy that I am, I wrote and offered to show her and her friends around SZ some time, including a temple visit and some veg food. (You may think you see a flaw here, but meat-eaters can eat veg.)

She (and she alone) came and met me on Chinese New Years. We went to Hong Fa Temple, and by the time dinner was over, it was late. She slept on my sofa, and headed home the next morning.

For the next several weeks, she came to see me every weekend and followed me around in my various activities. (Don't think this sounds pathetic or anything; I lead a truly fascinating life.)

Long story short: In less than two months we were a couple.

Oh yeah: Nanshe, the place that I was searching for when I found her? I've never been. But she went, with my friends, during the summer of 2005, while I was in L.A. See her pics and an account of her trip here.) [2023: Still never been!] [Virtual Tourist, where here pics and account were, is itself gone.]

Fast forward to earlier this year:

The job in Yangzhou was becoming more of a reality; it would take me away from her for a month or two at a time. Knowing that I had found the love of my life, and that I couldn't bear to let her slip away, I asked her to marry me before I went. Fortunately, she said yes.

The timing depended on two factors:

1. When could we get an appointment at the Hong Kong Marriage Registry? (Two foreigners cannot get married in the PRC, but HK is pretty easy).
2. When would our friend Alan, the clear choice for Best Man, be available?

All factors pointed to April 29. So that's what we did. I went over to HK a couple of times in the weeks before the wedding to pay the fees and do the preliminary paperwork. Then the Big Weekend arrived.

In order to get married, we had to register Lila's presence in HK during regular Registry office hours. Had we been getting married Monday-Saturday this would have been no problem. But since our date was a Sunday, we had to come over a day ahead, on Saturday before 11:30 a.m., to show the entry stamp in her visa before the office closed. After that, we checked into a hotel near the Marriage Registry in Shatin, and headed off for our "rehearsal dinner" with our "wedding party"--actually just lunch with a couple of friends.

Now, a funny thing: The clear choice for Maid of Honor, our friend Angel, was studying in Guangzhou on our wedding day. The next obvious choice was a recently-met friend who spent every weekend with us. But Adam, as the name would indicate, is a guy.

So we had a Best Person and a Person of Honor, as you can see here:

Alan (l) and Adam (r); Photo by Jesse

Adam and Alan came over on Saturday. We had a great lunch at one of Hong Kong's finer vegetarian restaurants. After a walk around Kowloon, Adam and Alan returned to SZ, and Lila and I returned to the hotel near the Marriage Registry. We had a shower and a nap, and ordered room service for dinner--like a honeymoon before the wedding!

The next morning we had a leisurely breakfast in the hotel, and then took a cab to the Marriage Registry. (It was near, but we were in our wedding clothes and had our suitcases with us.) We did some final paper work, and greeted arriving friends. As usual when we gather friends, over a half-dozen countries were represented.

Photo by Jesse

Hong Kong is a fairly stiff-upper-lip-conservative place when it comes to such things as weddings; a pamphlet in the Marriage Registry discussed appropriate dress and behavior for the ceremony. So the ceremony itself was meant to be solemn; the Justice of the Peace certainly had no sense of humor. But as you can see in our friend Jesse's picture, Lila and I were cracking each other up as usual. (The unsmiling lady J.O.P. is just visible in the top-right corner.)

Photo by Jesse

After the ceremony, most of the guests stuck around for lunch at the Ruby Tuesday's in Shatin New Town Plaza. Then the P.R.C.-side gang (minus the Hong Kongers) went back to Shenzhen and relaxed for a bit before the evening's party.

A few weeks earlier, Lila and I had been dining with friends at Spice Circle, one of our favorite Indian restaurants. When Sunny, the manager, stopped by our table, I asked if he knew where we could get Indian-style clothing for our wedding. He called his wife Vinnie, who came and picked us up after dinner. She took us to their home, where Lila tried on several salwar kameez, and I tried on a kurta. Lila was set; the following weekend, Vinnie took us to Luohu Commercial City to have my kurta "let out" a little. The money we spent on that tailoring was the only money we spent on the clothes; Vinnie and Sunny graciously supplied them to us for free.

It was natural, then, that we chose Spice Circle for our party. On top of all of the other kindnesses shown, another manager, Inder, gave us a per-head price for the party that was so low that he swore me to secrecy--I couldn't even tell Sunny!

The party was a blast. We had great fun and, afterward, when just a small group remained, our friend John Krieger pulled out a small accordion and serenaded us with folk music! What a night.

We'll break off the wedding account here; next up: Da Honeymoon.

Check out some pictures online:

• Lila's pics of the Shatin wedding and lunch
• Lila's pics of the Spice Circle party
• Our friend Jesse Warren's pics of both occasions

(Jesse is a pro who shot around our events for free. Number 20 (below), with a bunch of kids who happened to be outside the Marriage Registry, is one of my faves. All of the pictures in this post are his. Thanks, Jesse!)

Photo by Jesse

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YAAAYYYYY!!!!...ugh...

Getting married

Well, the wedding is only three days away. How do I feel, you may ask?

Excited, thrilled, exhilarated...and terrible.

I've been living over three years in south China, called by one expert "the influenza epicenter." (Note that this article is over nine years old, and talks about H5N1. We are now dealing with H5N2. Bird flu: another reason to be a vegetarian.)

And at last, I've caught a good one. Not bird flu, but flu enough. I think I have missed more workdays this week than in the previous three years combined. Why is this happening now? 

Stress.

I mean, look at it. I'm getting married Sunday, and I get sick this week. It's obvious.

I was over in Hong Kong Monday, taking care of business (paying for the tickets to the Philippines for the "honeymoon," negotiating for a consulting job in Yangzhou, Jiangsu). Then I spent several hours pounding the pavement in search of rings (we'll have to buy them in Manila, I guess) and suitable shoes for the kurta I'm wearing.

Before I headed back across the border to meet Crazy Al, my best man, for dinner, I started feeling achy all over. That night, I discovered I had a fever of 101F (38.3C). My head and intestines soon showed me that my muscles and the thermometer had not lied: I was sick.

But I still don't know WHY I'm stressed. Seriously.

Look at this: About.com has an article on "the top five people who will stress you out" when getting married. [2023: Link GONE]  Let's look at them, and assess my situation:

5. Wedding vendors: This is an obvious source of trouble in most cases, always pressuring you to spend more. But we only have one vendor--Spice Circle restaurant--and they are like family. Inder (the assistant manager) made me promise not to tell anybody the price he gave us, so others won't ask for it. And Sunny (the manager) and his wife Vinnie, took us into their home and gave us the clothes we will wear for the ceremony. Vinnie even took us into Luohu Commercial City to oversee the tailoring! Minimal stress here.

4. Divorced and bickering friends/family members: None here.

3. Well meaning opinions of others: No one has tried to influence how we are doing things.

2. Your parents: Three out of four are half a world away; the other is on an archipelago that requires a 90-minute flight. No trouble there.

1. Each other. Get this: About.com says:

The most common complaints are "He's not doing anything to help with the wedding" and "she never talks about anything other than the wedding."

HA! Because Lila is in another city Monday-thru-Friday and works 40 hours plus overtime, while I am in Shenzhen and usually work around 12 hours a week, I have done much of the legwork. AHA! you say. THERE'S THE STRESS! But really, this is as low key an affair as possible. Lila is so easygoing about it that her mantra has become "I just want to get this over with" (romantic, huh?).

So she's not applying any pressure, and the process itself is pretty simple: A civil ceremony in Hong Kong = no decorating the church, no "entourage" (just two witnesses, or Best Person and Person of Honor), etc. The "reception" is just a party: no band, no cake, no caterers, just a bunch of friends meeting at one of our favorite restaurants. Our pal Gentleman Jess is a great photographer and offered to snap a few at the wedding.

So whence the stress?

Ah, I think About.com missed the largest single source of stress in a wedding:

oneself.

A few facts:

• I was married before--and failed 
• I've been single (and selfish) for seventeen years 
• I have found a near-perfect person, which puts a lot of pressure on me to be a better man 
• Things always change after a wedding 

Etc., etc., etc. You see, it's not the wedding that stresses. It's the marriage.

Let me be clear: Lila is the light of my life. She is a positive, upbeat, smart, funny, deeply spiritual, loving person. We share a lifestyle few can match for sheer joy. I have never met anyone who didn't like her. Everything about her is in the "plus" column.

But no matter who you marry, marriage is a big change (at least, it is if you take it seriously, which I do). And change = stress. Even POSITIVE change.

So, in a few days, the headache and the tummy troubles will be gone. Lila will be a permanent part of my life. And it's going to be a good life. Already, I am living a life that I never imagined ten years ago or so. And it's just going to get better.

Thanks, BB. I can't wait to be married to you.

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Threads on the Web

Where you can find me...

My presence on the internet is scattered far and wide. Here are most of the places you will find me:

[NOTE: Most of these are now "historical"; updates will be given where available.]

The Temple Guy
(http://www.thetempleguy.com)
[NOW thetempleguy.org]

This is my oldest and largest page. It started back in 2001 as my Aki Meguri at www.connectedjapan.com (now defunct) when I was walking through Japan. This layer survives in slightly revised form [twice].

Next was my pre-China and early-days-in-China blog, "The Barefoot Fool." [Coming BACK soon.] When that blog died, I transferred the material here.

The rest of The Temple Guy was created to record information on temples in China. There are also some semi-philosophical essays in the Articles section; these will eventually be transferred to You Are That (see below). [Someday...]

The Laughing Buddha

(http://www.thelaughingbuddha.org) GONE

This page was created to promote activities for expats and English-speaking Chinese in Shenzhen. We have slowed down quite a bit and readjusted our focus, so the page is rather quiet. Eventually it will probably be absorbed into another project "in development." [I left Shenzhen in 2015! Some material will probably be archived here, though...]

You Are That

(http://www.youarethat.org)
NOW Here

This page is a repository for my philosophical and religious ramblings. The best introduction is the "Foundational Essays." There's also a lot on Joseph Campbell. And in the summer of 2006 I had a unique experience teaching in a temple in Fujian; much of this was covered in The Journal (where you are now). Expect more of this as I prepare to go to work in a temple in Jiangsu later in 2007.

The Shenzhener Blog

(http://shenzhener.blog.com/) GONE

One purpose of The Laughing Buddha was to provide information in English for visitors and resident expats in Shenzhen. It became easier to do this through occasional posts to a blog. This has been suspended while we work on a new project...

?

"In Development"

Now we are working on the homepage that Shenzhen has long needed, with a complete City Guide, magazine-like Feature Articles, and an active Community section. Stay tuned... [This became "Shenzhen Buzz," also now GONE.]

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Well, that about covers my web [former] endeavors. By the time you've read everything that's already online, we should have a LOT more for you. [But see what we've got NOW!]

Peace.

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Gathering Up the Threads of My Life

Another Welcome

Gathering up the threads of my life... 

... scattered all over the globe... and all over the web... with several web presences and strong ties to four countries (China, the Philippines, Japan and the U.S.)... 

Links... sometimes I'll direct you to my Journal, where I discuss a big event or a big issue at length... sometimes an album with pictures of places I've been... or maybe an essay on a religious or philosophical topic... 

... but sometimes just a quick note here about what I've been up to, or a good quote I found, or "Hey, I'm coming to Japan" or "I'll be back in Shenzhen next week"... 

... so check here for updates on my webpages... and my life... peace... 

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